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BREAKING NEWS: Swag has a date tomorrow, needs advice, viagra.
Ok I don't need that last part, and in all honesty it's probably not even a date, but I can dream can't I?
Post advice here! Help a guy out who isn't old, broken down, and decrepit!
For obvious reasons I will not say where I am going, since I don't want any Aku 'interference' or 'help'.
Nor will I post a picture of her, but I can give hints. I was thinking of an Aku-script name for her, and I think I'll just go with Egyptian-girl.
What swag's date may look like*:
*The above do not look like swag's date at all, except your mom.
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Well I think that it would be redundant to give a detailed report this time, as sadly the situation has more or less gone to friendsville.
Like I said before we were friends before this anyway, so it's no big deal in that sense. Better to settle things on good terms than get slapped in the face.
Overall she said (and seemed) that she had a good time.
Ah well...
At least I got a date, right?
Like I said before chalk it up to learning. I will make a Venutian Artist out of you yet.
Introduce her to me...
BTW, does her name start with a K? (seriously, just curious)
Actually I think that with a little detective work (and some guessing) there is at least one person on here who could figure out who she was.
You know I did consider if she would "leave with you" and while there are certain things that she will like (you are older and in shape), I don't think that it would last very long. But I suppose that it could last one night at least.
If you've ever read a book called 'The Alchemist' and liked it, then you may have a chance.
The Alchemist and I did like it, in fact I liked it so much that I bought the Special Edition boxed version.
Paolo Coelho is one hell of an author. His books always provide very good life lessons.
If you have not read it, I highly recommend it. I highly recommend all of Coelho's books.
But I am warning you now, it is a step up from Comic Books...just saying.
Well, if she asked you for $400 as well I know exactly who she is :).
She would have been Mexican, not Egyptian.
All the same to me.
The Witch of Portabello? Damn fine book. It's part of my research for my own writing.
Well, if she asked you for $400 as well I know exactly who she is :).
Damn! Now I have to clean my monitor again!
Maybe you do have a chance! If you can find her that is...
Of course I have read the Alchemist, it's a very inspirational piece of work. In fact I should re-read it again soon.
Believe it or not, I do read books that are more complicated than comic books. In fact I just ordered a bunch of books recently from chapters (they seem to be cheaper than amazon on average).
Right now I am reading "The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich" (borrowed from Revek), which has got to be the most interesting books that I've ever read. Maybe about 5 pages (of the 1050 that I've read so far) have been boring. I also got "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand, Lolita (that's right), God is not Great (by Hitchens), Beyond good and Evil (Nietzsche, and very hard to read, you really have to re-read and think of his stuff a lot).
So yes, I can read above a 5th grade level.
Impressed
I am the 'Alpha male'
Every woman I know always asks the same question 'Why are you single'
And I tell them because I choose to be.
Funny Story:
A couple of years ago a Queen's U reunion was organized by a girl I used to date back in those days.
Since some people were from Toronto, Montreal, Kingston for the most part people were in Ottawa (about 40%). The people from other areas basically shacked up with the rest of us for this weekend. We all decided to go to Pub Italia. And of course I was the only single kidless one there. But I was also in the best shape out of everyone there (both male and female).
Anyway, one of the wives of my buddy I used hang out with started hitting on me. Of course I played along but I always playfully brush her off.
As a side note:
Though most of you may find this hard to believe but I am a firm believer in integrity, commitment and honesty. Yes I know I am a player etc. But like I mentioned before I know what I am looking for and until I meet her I am going to have my fun.
Back to the story...
So the aforementioned woman puts her arm around me and asks: So, Aku why are you still single?
Because most women out there act like you...
her: What do you mean...
me: Well you're sitting here clearly hitting on me while your husband is there. I can only imagine what you would do or offer if he wasn't sitting right there.
Her: what are you saying I am unfaithful.
Me: The fact that you are asking clearly suggests that now doesn't it?
Meanwhile her husband is hearing this. And he comes up to me and he is already on the tipsy side and says (Typical): Are you hitting on my wife.
Me (with a sarcastic look on my face): uh...no..you're wife was hitting on me.
Him: Well you would be lucky to have someone like her.
Me: Is that why you are drunk?
Him: huh?
Me: Well if I was drunk you're right I would be lucky to have someone like her.
Him: *laughs* and why aren't you drunk? * laughs * what you some kind of pansy? are you gay?
Me: no, I am not drunk because I would rather be married to someone like her * and point to a cute blonde 20 something girl *
Him: *laughs again*
Her: *Pissed off look on her face* and says to me: You're an asshole.
Me: yeah well no one is perfect, have you looked in the mirror?
Him: you insulting my wife?
me: no I am insulting both of you... I mean look, she is asking 'why am I still single' which implies there must be something wrong with me. * look at him * you are obviously drunk because you want her to look better when you go home. *look at her* you are hitting on me hoping that I will acknowledge you, thinking that you can still 'pickup' * I point at him * I will have to be in a much worse state than him.
* he swings at me *
* I dodge out of the way and push him aside *
And told him try that again. But make you hit me this time..also make sure you knock me out.
Bouncers came and kicked them out.
You, sir, are my hero.
Be signing autographs soon...
But I find it hard to believe that anything on the Chapters website is cheaper than Amazon.com.
Yes, I do understand that the best thing for me to do if be myself. Of course when I am put on the spot I probably won't have time to remember any specific advice from this thread anyway (on how to act or what things that were said mean), so I'll just have to be myself and enjoy the time.
And I am listening to all the advice that has been given, but of course I am not taking it all as if it were set in stone. I have to do this myself for the most part, and hope that I don't screw up too bad. That's the best way to learn anyway.
I know that in this case, since we knew each other before, that we would be friends either way. Now maybe some of you would tell me just to forget about her, but that's not me. If I had only known her for a couple days then maybe, but not here. I would prefer to remain friends. Of course it's not over yet, so we will see.
Worse case scenario I'll have a smoking hot friend, which is more than what I can say for you guys.
Of course maybe I could get Aku or one of you to feed me lines through a earpiece. :)
(Yay, my thread wins!)
I will of course have a Debriefing Report #2 up sometime Saturday.
Worse case scenario I'll have a smoking hot friend, which is more than what I can say for you guys.
Do you really want to challenge me on this?
I am willing to bet I will have your Egypt girl in the palm of my hand within my ten hour rule. This of course is now reliant on the fact that I have mentioned this. Because you may or may not set me up for failure.
That being said I won't do it because well I don't want to embarrass you.
What I meant is that you guys (at least the ones who post regularly) are not women.
About the ear piece...well I won't do it because it will not be YOU
You're already up to two pages of comments, don't be startin' a flame war now...
I can't even afford the time to keep up to date on this thread...
Since you don't actually have a job, just a pretend one.
...is sometimes just dinner and a movie.
I just want it out there that Aku's goals in dating may be different than your goals. Aku is a player and that is what his rules, lessons, ideas are oriented toward. This works for him.
This may not be what you want. If you want more than just a two minute consummation (this could be directed at anyone...) with this woman you may want to consider ignoring Aku's advice.
If you are hoping to have a lengthier relationship with Egypt Girl I would suggest that you relax and enjoy your dinner and movie.
Stop assigning motives and meaning to everything she says and does, stop being someone else, enjoy your evening.
But I agree with Blackwalt on this one. I was going to write something similar. To Aku's credit, he doesn't deny what he's looking for and the fact is it takes two to tango. If the women in his life are looking for the same thing, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
On the other hand, most of us are looking for more from a relationship and therefore should consider Aku's approach with caution. I thoroughly agree with him on two points.
Firstly, be you. In the end, she'll like you (or not) because of who you are, not someone you pretend to be. Secondly, do NOT worry about rejection. If you are true to yourself and to her and she isn't looking for the type of person you are, it's best to get that out of the way sooner than later. It's not something you really want to find out after you've invested significant emotional involvement in the situation. Now obviously there's still plenty of opportunity to get hurt down the line, but the odds are much lower if you've gotten past the initial stages being yourself. If she likes you for that, she probably will for a long time. If not, better to cut and move on.
Just my two cents. To be taken with some salt because my relationships haven't always been completely successful (the peanut gallery can shut the hell up!). Please go back to your regularly scheduled lives.
Oh and Swag, you've finally found a topic somebody will read and reply to! Congrats.
Firstly, be you. In the end, she'll like you (or not) because of who you are, not someone you pretend to be
Better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not.
Oh and Swag, you've finally found a topic somebody will read and reply to! Congrats.
Wow this thread may actually get the most replies
IMHO I think your thread should already have 'The Most Commented On Thread Ever' because QBert has Pneumonia has a lot (18) of silly making the thread narrower comments for a total of 53 posts. So (53-19 = 35) leaving 35 legitimate/relevant posts. But it does have 265 reads.
You post has 43 legitimate/relevant plus this one (count as irrelevant) posts and 227 reads.
Hijack over..
...because my relationships haven't always been completely successful...
HAHAHAHAHAHA
I laughed so hard I think I sprained something.
Did you not think you were a card carrying member of the aforementioned peanut gallery??
Did you not think that there was no way your request would be honoured? By any member of the peanut gallery? Which I still think could not possibly have meant me.
You are correct I am a player.
But that being said he wants to build the attraction. Believe it or not one of my goals is also to have a lengthy relationship etc. But I also am not going to 'settle' for anything less than what I want. Therefore, until the right one comes along and we build a relationship together I am going to keep doing what I am doing.
I agree he should relax and be himself I am just also suggesting that being a fun person is a good thing. I am not suggesting that he 'be someone else' I am just giving him advice on how to enhance who he is. Besides pretending to 'be someone else' is very obvious to women. Which will backfire as well. They have this weird internal instinct that none of us understand. There are four steps to attract a woman.
Attraction: Feeling that your social value is equal or greater than hers.
Qualification: Feeling that she’s special to you or that she’s earned your attention.
Comfort: Feeling comfort and connection with you.
Seduction: Feeling aroused by your touch without awkwardness or embarrassment.
It doesn't matter whether you are looking for a one nighter or your soul mate the aforementioned has to exist or it is not going anywhere.
Before you can build on the steps mentioned above here is where more of it comes in.
Approaching is the skill of starting a conversation with a woman you don’t know in a way that gets her attention. It’s a crucial one to master. Women (especially if they are beautiful) have men approaching them all the time. One study estimated that a normal, attractive, outgoing 25-year old, for example, has been approached by men approximately 5,000 times in her life. These women are quite adept at brushing men off and will generally not give you a chance unless your skills are top-notch.
Transitioning answers the question of “what do you do next?” Men usually become adept at approaching fairly quickly, but often “don’t know what to say” one or two minutes into the conversation with a woman whom they don’t know. Transitioning is a skill that brings the conversation to a place where you can attract her instead of taking the unproductive route of asking her questions about herself (which is an attempt to build comfort too early)
After this is when you build:
Attraction: Feeling that your social value is equal or greater than hers.
Qualification: Feeling that she’s special to you or that she’s earned your attention.
Comfort: Feeling comfort and connection with you.
Seduction: Feeling aroused by your touch without awkwardness or embarrassment.
Relationships reflect the fact that your interaction with a woman does not usually end the first time you have sex. Sometimes she’ll be on the road to being your girlfriend. Sometimes she’ll be a friend with benefits. Sometimes she’ll be somewhere in between. Again, through experience and testing, anyone can develop a system of tactic and techniques that allow you to guide a woman to wanting the same form of relationship that you do. Or to just have a one-night stand without expectations. What you do with your skillset is up to you.
But hey this is me and granted what I do may or may not work for swag. But at least I am trying to help.
All I am doing is trying to get swag to evaluate himself and create his own system. And be more comfortable in these types of situations.
So is the "attractive, outgoing" woman approached 5,000 times in her life, or just by the age of 25?
Remember the PUA gatherings?
Anyway, think about it
A cute blonde girl starts hanging out in the bar scene goes to college/University at about the age of 19.
If she gets approached twice (very likely) a day for 6 years.
That is 2*365*6=4380
Now it is also very likely that on the weekends if she is hanging out in the bar scene she will be approached several times as well.
And this is being a rough estimate. I will try to find the study for you.
Is it a good idea to give her a quick call today? Or would I be seen as too aggressive (e.g. a stalker)?
The classic 'when to call' question.
Well to be honest this all depends on her and her attitude towards it.
From what I can tell I don't think she will think you are a stalker.
But, some women may interpret it as needy. Though in this case I don't think so either.
I would say call in the early evening (forget this call after 3 days bs) in fact that stupid 3 day rule may even be a problem.
But if she doesn't answer leave a message saying something like "Hey, just calling to see what you are up to call me back if you get a chance"
But don' t call more that once this is when the needy thing comes in. If she does not call you back within a couple of days don't about it. IF she is interested she will call. Last thing you want to do is come off as needy or desperate (aka WUSS) which will be a huge turn off.
So I thought that it would be best, if anyone is interested, in giving an report on what happened yesterday.
Overall I would say that it went quite well, not perfect of course but on the other hand nothing terrible happened.
We started off by meeting at Green Tea Sushi on Elgin (which I must say had fairly decent sushi). Mostly the conversation was centered around small talk and various minor topics, which is best at first i believe. Nothing else of note to report, but I would say that it was a success (I made sure not to look like I was pigging out, but honestly I wouldn't have ordered any more or any less food than what I did, regardless of who I was with). Although the wasabi can make you look like you are crying, but at least that was a mutual occurance. I also made sure to look at her in the eyes as much as possible, even leaning forward sometimes.
Then I suggested that we just walk up to the rideau center, look around and have a coffee.
Now as we were walking there it should be noted that it was fairly windy and was raining. I did not have an umbrella with me, but as we shall soon see, this was done on purpose and it almsot worked out as planned.
Just as we were leaving the sushi place I said this:
"By golly, I reckon that it's still a rain'in! Yet I forgot my umbrella."
Ok I didn't say it like that, but you get the idea. Of course this was my plan all along because just as we left, and confirmed that it was still raining, Egyptian girl says:
"Well you can spot under my umbrella if you want"
Hooray! But sadly this didn't work completely for two reasons. One was that it was windy, so I was worried out getting my eyes poked out, and second was that she is shorter than me, so it would be awkward for her to hold the umbrella high up. In retrospect I think that I should have offered to hold the umbrella, but again, the wind was making things difficult. Either way I think that it was a good trick and I did stand under it for a bit.
So essentially we found a coffee shop and had a coffee with some more talking. Now here I do have some questions about possible meanings of what she said. Sometimes she would meantion her ex(es) or say something about "the people that she would date". I am not sure if this falls on the friends ladder for me or not. Also, as she was in Egypt (ironically enough) for a week to see her family right before coming back here, the topic of how marriage works over there came up. As you can imagine, Egypt, being a muslin country, has more of an "arranged" marriage custom (at least in the sense that if you are over 20 and not married [and a woman], then something is wrong with you). To make a long story short, she didn't like this and I agreed (no lie). Anyway at some point in this discussion she says "we'll I am not a virgin" (this was in relation to the fact that [I believe] in Islam a woman must be a virgin before getting married, although not with guys). Again, this set off the 'friends ladder' alarm, but I am not 100% sure...hmmm
After the coffee we walked around the mall for a bit and one notable event was when we were in a certain section of the mall and we came across a store that had been recently shut down. Here is the resulting conversation:
Egyptian girl: "Oh no! what happened to [whatever the name of the store was]?"
Me: "I'm not sure...maybe they are moving elsewhere in the mall?"
Egyptian girl: "Now where am I going to buy my underwear?"
Now I decided not to say anything here, but maybe that was a mistake as I could have said something like "Too bad, I could have helped you pick some out". But maybe that would have been a bad idea.
The last thing that I want to mention is that while we were having coffee I invited her over to my place next friday (I had mentioned to her before that there was a movie that I wanted to watch with her). I also told her that I wanted to cook supper for her, since I like cooking for people (it's true!) and she said "awww, you're such a sweetheart!". I think that worked out well. Also as she was going back home she said that she was looking foward to seeing my cullinary skills and I told her not to worry since I am Italian anyway (that's right).
That's about it.
The last thing that I want to mention is that while we were having coffee I invited her over to my place next friday (I had mentioned to her before that there was a movie that I wanted to watch with her). I also told her that I wanted to cook supper for her, since I like cooking for people (it's true!) and she said "awww, you're such a sweetheart!".
Right there... that's friendsville.
Only booze can save you now.
Especially the Movie comment after re-reading that I will have to agree. But I don't think he is in the friend zone yet. Though I will have to say that he is heading there for sure though.
This dinner should be the deal maker or deal breaker. No offence as it stands right now you are heading towards the breaker.
no pressure :-)
You want us to call you 10 or 15 times at your place during the dinner ? :-)
Hey..if it becomes a deal breaker just chalk it up to learning we all get rejected (even me). Heck this yesterday I got rejected by a girl of my dreams but hey I was injured but life goes on.
It doesn't look good for me.
But like you said, I got some experience and that's something that I need.
Still, it's not over....we'll see what happens Friday.
Btw, your avatar is starting to creep me out. Is that your mugshot?
It's a mugshot.
I told the story at the bathroom destruction party.
I will not post the story here though will tell you next time I see you.
I was there remember? I recall the story now, in fact that's what I thought that it was from. Good Mugshot though.
Ok mistake #1
Umbrella situation. What you should have done was try to hold the umbrella while holding her hand. This would have been a good test to see what she is thinking
If:
a) She left her hand there good sign. But seeing as how you are taller that she is she probably would have let her hand drop into your arm also good sign.
b) If she said it's ok I will hold it or she just let you take over the umbrella this is a good indicator that she is not into you.
Mistake #2 You should have said the underwear comment it would have made her laugh I guarantee it. She doesn't seem like a Feminazi so she would have taken that as a compliment.
Talking about ex(es) is a BAD SIGN definate friendship zone thing. For me that would be a huge red flag. I ALWAYS avoid the 'past relationship' conversations it almost always ends badly. My usual line is that is the it didn't workout life goes one look the future [with her] type of comment.
As for the marriage things well it appears she isn't following the custom so it is irrelevant. However, seeing as how she is bringing it up it could mean that she is feeling that it is important somehow.
Cooking for her is good inviting her to your place and her accepting is a very good sign. But be aware of the friendship zone. Also, no offence and don't take this as teasing joke either. Since the friend who introduced you to her is on the 'other team' is possible that she thinks you are on the other team as well? I am asking seriously here. It can happen heck I will even admit one of my ( only 3 ) girlfriends thought I was gay (because of the way I dress the way my house is nicely decorated etc.) when she first met me. Until she saw my shoes.
The signals are there because:
a) confiding in you
b) talking about exes
Did she at anytime give you an IOI?
I didn't think of that with the umbrella situation. But how would I know if she wanted to hold my hand? Just go for it if she leaves her hand hanging there?
Yeah, I think that she would have laughed about the underwear comment as well (she brought it up first anyway).
I agree with the ex(es) topic being a bad sign. I personally left that out. But I should also say that she was telling me about what she was looking for in someone (while some of it was abstract, I didn't find that it contradicted me personally too much, if at all). Still bad?
Well I am 99% sure that she doesn't think that I am gay, so I am not worried about that. I mean, wouldn't all of this be a little too much for someone who you thought was gay anyway? And why else would she say that I am her type if I was gay? She told me that she is going to spend more time with me (in the coming weeks) than anyone else, even though I have only known her for a short while. Also, I have said things to her before like (albeit this time it was online) that she was a 'very nice distraction' (as I was trying to answer her email at the time). She liked that comment.
Any IOI? Well she couldn't do the hair twirl one as she just had her hair done (it was straight and she didn't want it to curl because of the rain). I believe that I saw the forearm touching a couple times. And when we were having coffee I made a habit of holding my cup in front of me (as she was doing) so that our fingers would touch "randomly".
And while I didn't say anything that really made her laugh out loud, I still did get some laughs and lots of smiling. Several times we would pause while talking and I would get a nice smile, so I think that's a good thing.
Hmm, still hard to tell.
Umbrella situation:
Just playfully grab the handle while trying to hold her hand. Don't even say 'let me hold it' just do it and see how she reacts.
As for her telling you what she is looking for again this is another friendship zone thing.
Well I am 99% sure that she doesn't think that I am gay, so I am not worried about that. I mean, wouldn't all of this be a little too much for someone who you thought was gay anyway?
Don't know what you are asking here??
And why else would she say that I am her type if I was gay?
Here my friend is mindF*ck #1
Women want men who are sensitive but also have the bad boy. In other words they want a guy who is adventurous, good bed, good looking etc but they also want what I call the cuddle bitch as well. This does not exist. Women will say they want the sensitive type (this is true) but they will not admit to the bad boy (that will make them squirm just by looking at them). But yet most of them attracted to this. So 'her type' is a general term.
Saying she is a very nice distraction is OK but DON'T OVER DO IT! meaning don't say things that you shouldn't being saying unless you are already in a serious committed relationship. Example: 'you're beautiful', 'I am really happy to be with you', and the dread of all 'I love you'.
Through my own experience saying things like this especially the last one. You are setting yourself up. I know it sounds strange but it's true. Believe it or not I have more success with women by playfully insulting them (aka Negging). This makes them think wow this guy isn't impressed by me. What is it going to take to get him to notice me etc.
the fingers touching is a good sign especially if she looked up at you when it happened.
Making her laugh is your #1 ammo. If you can do this she will consider you fun to be around and she will want to be around you more. Hence the 'cocky and funny'. I can email you an ebook on all this stuff. Let me know
I think I need more examples of this 'negging'. I'm sure you have lots.
I searched and did find a "cocky and funny" ebook. Not sure if it's the same as you have though, but I think this will do for now. From what I have read so far, I think that I get the concept (applying it is a different matter...).
Originally I had an idea that when we watch the movie (my chairs are very big and wide, don't have a couch either) that we could "share" one. For example, I could say something offhand like "Yeah these chairs are very big, might be able to both sit in one". But when I think about it, and considering where this seems to be headed, I think it would look like I am coming on too strong. Gotta save ammo for later sometimes.
Btw, does Revek ever listen to you? Do you even give him advice like this? It's seriously some good stuff! No offence but originally I was expecting a bunch of useless, immature comments from people. Glad that wasn't the case.
One example is what I did with wannabe mac girl. I playfully insulted her by pointing out she was trying to hide a Dell.
Another example I used was a girl had this clip thing in her hair and I asked her if she got it from the dollar store the conversation continued. And then she asked me if I wanted to leave (of course I did ;) )
But before you start negging you need an opener and some kind of routine etc. If you are peacocking it will be easier because she will most likely comment on what you are using to peacock with. The book you downloaded is by David DeAngelo? if yes that is one. But I have better ones. Magic Bullets is one also, you can get the books I mentioned before here. It's funny this all started for me with the books called the game which was given to me as a gag gift for my birthday. Little did anyone know that it created a monster. Even the guy that gave it to me went out and got his own copy of it. The Mystery Method and Magic bullets are better though.
Well put it this it is always a lot of fun going back and forth with the joking, insults and teasing. But I could tell that this was a serious situation for you so I being HoC's Expert on the topic I gave you my expert advice. Just like if you were to ask questions about exercising I would also give you good advice as these are things that I know about and am good at. See if I needed help making 3D stuff I would ask you because you know more about it than I do.
My philosophy is always accept or seek at advice from people who are more successful than you are in the particular area you are seeking help
One of the best examples of this would you take financial advice from someone who makes less money than you do?
As for Revek he never really asked. But I would still help him out as well. But I think he has to meet someone first.
Yes it is complicated at first but it will become easier with time. The key thing here is NOT TO TAKE REJECTION PERSONALLY it happens it is part of life.
You will screw up, heck I still screw up. but that happens it is part of the learning process and like the old saying goes practice makes perfect.
If not, drop the temperature a couple of degrees before dinner. This gives her the opportunity to have an excuse to want to snuggle up at movie time.
If she asks for a blanket, you're doomed.
As long as he doesn't misinterpret when she rises to the occasion.