If you are going to have an Out of Office message...

...you might as well have an "Out Of Office" message

And, yes, while this guy is funny in real life, this may be totally serious.

Out of Office AutoReply:
Hi Thanks for your Email.

I'm currently being held hostage, and forced to tour with Mini Kiss (A Kiss tribute band made up entirely of little people). The Tour, and my confinement ends September 3ed. Mini Kiss doesn't have the internet and has also confiscated my Blackberry. So I will unfortunately not be able to answer your query at this time. If, however you wish to pay my ransom of $1 million US or book a show to facilitate my early release I'd be happy to help you sooner. Or you can call xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Please use the link below for more information.

http://www.ghostshorty.com/minikiss/