Yeah, cause Half-pint doesn't mock me enough

No "STOP BITING" button, no sale

Yes. It is a cat remote.

No. I don't think it will work either.

Includes:

• remain aloof (pretty sure this one will work)
• catch mice (like he needs to be told)
• land on feet (pointless)
• retract claws (hahahahaha)
• get off:
  • shelf
  • chair
  • bed

What? No get off keyboard?

And yes, I did note the "stop attacking" button which pretty much ruins my "stop biting" subhead.